


Better Hurt Than Nothing

by Spacepolitician



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Anal Sex, Crying, Dry Humping, Dubious Consent, Face-Fucking, M/M, Plot What Plot/Porn Without Plot, Rough Oral Sex, Rough Sex, Verbal Humiliation, bottom!levi, top!Eren
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-07-01
Updated: 2019-07-01
Packaged: 2020-05-31 16:35:33
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,156
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19429882
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spacepolitician/pseuds/Spacepolitician
Summary: Eren disappeared for three years, and came back a different person.Perhaps Eren’s hand moved quicker than Levi expected; or perhaps Levi was simply too exhausted after a particularly long day; or maybe it was Levi’s conscious decision to let it happen. But Eren’s hand moved quickly, and grabbed his jaw, and Levi did nothing. Lips crushed together with teeth-clashing force, Eren’s fingers pressing deep into his flesh. The kiss — if one could call it that — was messy and forceful, disgusting, but without the juvenile enthusiasm that Eren had showed him at 17. This was something else entirely, its frenzy laced with painful bitterness.





	Better Hurt Than Nothing

**Author's Note:**

  * Inspired by [Spitting Milk Teeth](https://archiveofourown.org/works/944912) by [throneofwaste](https://archiveofourown.org/users/throneofwaste/pseuds/throneofwaste). 



> Hi. Here's a new tongue twister to try at family gatherings: "His cock throbbed with every thrust down his throat." 
> 
> Anyway, I was inspired to write this after reading an amazing work whose URL is above.
> 
> This is filthy, rough, and emotional.

Levi found himself standing as far away as he could, on the other end of the candle-lit room, in front of the closed windows. He looked at the boy — Or was it a man now? Levi snorted — who stood before the closed wooden door. The last time Levi saw Eren, the boy was 17. At 17, he was too full of hope, and had suffered too much, and was too polite and good for his own sake, which constantly made Levi want to punch him in his pretty jaw. And Levi _had_ punched him, many, many times during training. But it had been three long years since. Three years of watching his men and women fall one by one. Three brutal years through which Levi had lived, somehow, his survival some sort of a sick joke at this point. Three years of not knowing if the kid was even alive had given Levi some new perspective.

Eren, now at 20, was taller, his shoulders broader, his arms thicker with muscle. He had grown into the body of a man who had spent the past three years fighting, tooth and nail, for his life — Levi could tell as much. His hair was tied behind his head in a loose bun with astray brown strands around his neck and on his temples. Even his bright green eyes were different: The lively, innocent glint that used to irritate Levi was now gone, replaced by a dangerous, lifeless composure. Levi swallowed.

“You look like shit,” Eren said dryly. His voice was deeper than Levi remembered, with no trace of youthful nervousness.

“Can’t say the same about you,” Levi replied and crossed his arms, leaning back on the window sill.

Levi did look like shit. He had seen his own reflection grow duller every day, the dark circles deepening below his eyes, his cheeks looking hollow. He even felt like shit. His speed and reflexes remained unmatched, even now in his late thirties, but it took him noticeably longer than before to recover from his injuries, which meant that he spent most days training and fighting in pain.

Eren stepped forward and Levi had to contract his own muscles to keep himself from moving. Standing in front of Levi, straight-backed, Eren’s height loomed over him, as though it was a threat, a warning.

“I didn’t think I’d ever see you again,” said Eren, in a low voice.

Levi had to lift his chin to see his face. “Disappointed?”

Perhaps Eren’s hand moved quicker than Levi expected; or perhaps Levi was simply too exhausted after a particularly long day; or maybe it was Levi’s conscious decision to let it happen. But Eren’s hand moved quickly, and grabbed his jaw, and Levi did nothing. Lips crushed together with teeth-clashing force, Eren’s fingers pressing deep into his flesh. The kiss — if one could call it that — was messy and forceful, _disgusting_ , but without the juvenile enthusiasm that Eren had showed him at 17. This was something else entirely, its frenzy laced with painful bitterness.

Eren pulled away when he ran out of breath, his fingers still grasping Levi’s jaw.

“Not disappointed,” said Eren, panting, “Not exactly.”

Levi let himself think of it as a delayed reflex, and drove his fist into Eren’s jaw with full force. Eren’s head snapped sideways at the impact as he staggered back one step and stopped. Levi knew the limit of his own upper-body strength; he knew that most others would have fallen flat on their backs at this strike. Not this Eren. This Eren lowered his neck, set his jaw and spit blood on the floor. _Disgusting_.

“For old times’ sake, _Captain_?” Eren dragged the back of his hand on his crimson lips and gave him a bloodied smirk that one could easily mistake for a gesture of triumph.

Levi was thankful that he had spent his entire life training to control his muscles, because that must have been the only reason that he was able to keep his hands from shaking.

“Careful, kid,” Levi said in a low voice that sounded like a growl. “Next time, I’ll make sure it’s teeth you’re spitting out.”

“It won’t be the first time.”

With blood smeared on his mouth, Eren’s smile looked almost feral below his dark eyes. Levi kept himself from flinching. Eren straightened his back, fully recovered from the blow now — too fast for a strike that strong. There were things that had changed in Eren beyond his appearance, and they were making Levi’s hands feel cold.

“Okay,” said Eren, eyes fixed on him. “Want to try that again?”

Before Levi could respond, lips were crushed against his again, and he shut his eyes this time. His right hand moved on its own to the back of Eren’s head, and he coiled his fingers in his hair, pulling him down. The kiss tasted like blood, and Levi thought it was Eren’s, from where he had punched him. But moments later, with Eren’s teeth sinking into his lower lip, he wasn’t entirely sure whose blood it was anymore. Levi bit back, and Eren did not seem to mind, because the next moment his tongue was obscenely licking Levi’s teeth. Levi was not about to open his mouth for a fucking bloodied tongue. He was not that desperate… yet. The kiss was so forceful that it was almost hurting his neck. Eren’s lips were too warm, his tongue too eager, and Levi wanted more of him. Levi wanted _all_ of him.

Eren pushed him and put his palms on the window sill on two sides of Levi. The edge of the sill dug into Levi’s flesh and he had to put a hand on Eren’s chest and push back to keep his shoulders from crashing into the glass. Eren slotted his thigh between his legs and shifted in. A shocked gasp left Levi at the unexpected pressure on his balls, and Eren took advantage of the opportunity, and pushed his tongue inside Levi’s mouth, sending the taste of blood to the back of his throat.

Levi could bite the kid’s tongue off and it would grow back like a fucking lizard’s tail. The kid would be fine but Levi would have a severed tongue left inside his mouth to spit out, so he decided against it and let Eren have his way. Eren’s tongue burned the inside of his mouth, bruising his gums, and it was all so obscene that Levi felt grateful for not being able to see it. He felt Eren’s chest under his palm: solid and hard, lean muscles defined under the touch of his fingers. Levi wanted to tear the shirt off of him and run his hands and tongue over his bare skin, but Eren had his body trapped and his mouth shut.

Eren removed his hands from the sill and grabbed Levi’s hips, pulling hard and Levi stumbled forward over Eren’s thigh. The next thing he felt was the impact of the cold, hard floor on his back and he grunted in pain. It was nowhere as bad as the pain he experienced regularly on the battlefield, but to be pushed around like this in his own fucking room— Eren must have had a death wish, because irritation was boiling up inside Levi and he was going to beat this presumptuous little shit into the hardwood.

But he didn’t. He didn’t because Eren was already sitting on top of him and had his wrists pinned to the ground next to his head. Levi looked up at him. Eren’s green eyes were glazed over with lust and Levi felt his own chest heaving. He tried to move, pull his wrists free, and he couldn’t. He felt cold beads of sweat on his forehead. Levi was aware that he wasn’t _really_ putting up a fight, that he had the strength to pull much harder, or drive his knee into Eren’s spine. But given what he had seen of Eren so far, his assessment of the situation was that there was a fair chance that he wouldn’t be able to overpower Eren in this condition, even if he was really putting up a fight. Levi was not going to risk that, so he stopped struggling.

“I’m too old now to play with you like this, Eren,” Levi said in a conversational tone, managing to sound unaffected.

Eren scoffed. “Oh, have we started playing already?”

Levi gave him a long, cold look. It appeared that Eren’s tongue had grown as much as his height, and Levi couldn’t help but recall a stuttering, nervous 17-year-old who had blushed and called him “sir” as he had come over his fingers. That kid could not possibly be the man who had pinned him down and looked as though he was about to ravish him. Levi would treat the kid more tenderly, he thought absurdly, if he could go back in time. The thought made his heart feel tight and he wished Eren would let him feel his tongue again, even if only to ease the pain in his chest.

Levi closed his eyes as Eren leaned down and pressed a hot, open-mouthed kiss on Levi’s throat, licking the swell of his Adam’s apple, scraping the sensitive skin between his collarbones. Levi hissed in warning, his hips snapping up instinctively. This was a mistake. He felt a hard bulge pressed on his lower stomach and Eren groaned softly into his neck. Levi felt his heart race when Eren, with his neck lowered, began to grind his hips up and down against Levi’s groin, letting him feel the drag of his hard, clothed cock. Levi pressed his lips together to contain a moan, feeling irritated at his own hardening cock which was confined tightly in his pants. He let Eren rock on top of him, rutting against him, like some horny teenager dry-humping a pillow.

Eren kissed his neck again, softer this time and let go of his wrists. Despite the freedom, Levi kept his hands where they were put, and did not claw them in Eren’s hair to yank him away. He was going to let this happen. He was going to let Eren bruise his skin with his teeth. He was going to let Eren fuck him raw, right there on the filthy, cold floor. He wanted him to.

Eren’s hands grabbed his hip bones and he kissed his way down, biting the flesh of his chest and stomach over his shirt. He reached Levi’s naval, let his teeth tug on the muscle below the hollow of his belly button, and ran his hands down his thighs. As he pulled at the brown leather straps circling Levi’s thighs, it was immediately obvious that his fingers were quite familiar with the process, having worn the same gear himself every day for years. He pulled hard at the straps, dragging Levi down slightly, until the leather was loose and the belt came open, too. The upward drag of Eren’s nose on his naval untucked his shirt and Levi raised his neck to look down at the crown of Eren’s head as he pressed his mouth to the small area of bare skin, biting down, hard. As the brunette undid his button and fly, Levi felt a burning desire to reach down and run his fingers through his hair, untying it. He snorted and turned his head away. He must have been getting really fucking old if he was getting sentimental over the kid at a moment like this, when Eren was showing him every disrespect he had been warned against. He kept his hands to himself.

Eren curled his fingers around Levi’s waistband and pulled down, nails scraping against old and new scars, freeing Levi's cock, which rested half-hard against his thigh. He, then, grabbed Levi’s boots at the heels and pull them off. Levi’s trousers were yanked down next, joining his boots somewhere on the floor to their side. Eren, then, clasped under Levi’s knees and pushed his legs apart, drawing himself closer in between. He lowered his head, pulled his tongue out and swept it over the head of Levi’s cock.

It was Levi’s knee, this time, that drove into his face with bone-shattering strength and, from the sound of it, Levi wondered if he had actually broken a bone. Or two. The force of the calculated, precise strike threw Eren to the side, and he steadied himself with a fist pressed to the floor, his back arched like a wounded animal. Eren had pressed a hand to his own face, and Levi could not see past his disheveled hair that had come untied. There was a moment of silence, and then, Levi saw Eren’s shoulders shake in an alarming way. Levi’s breath caught in his throat, giving a distressed edge to his passive expression as he thought of the damage that blow could do someone. He saw blood dripping on the floor, and did not breath until he realised Eren’s shoulders shook because he was laughing.

“ _Fuck_ ,” Eren said with a muffled voice, still laughing as he tipped his head back, “You’re a sick man, Levi.”

He sat on his heels, a hand pressed against his nose as blood gushed out of his nostrils, trickling down his jaw and staining his shirt. _Disgusting._ Levi made a mental note to have Eren scrub the floor after this. That was, if Levi was still able to order him to do anything after this.

“Keep your mouth away from my cock, dipshit,” Levi said dryly. “You’re not getting blood on my balls tonight.”

Eren turned to give him a morbid smile: all blood-stained teeth and dark eyes. Levi kept the saliva in his mouth, deliberately refraining from swallowing.

“You could’ve asked nicely if you preferred to be sucking _my_ dick, instead,” Eren said in a husky voice.

The bleeding had stopped, and if there were any broken bones, they had already healed. Eren dragged his sleeve over his face, wiping most of the blood, but smearing some on his cheek and near his jaw. Then, licking his own teeth clean, he pushed himself up, his height casting a giant shadow on Levi, heavy-lidded wild eyes looking down at him. Levi felt small. With his knees half-bent and bottom entirely bare against the cold floor, Levi felt small and unarmed.

It made no sense — he spent his days slaying Titans, putting his life on the line with every single limb prepared to be sacrificed for survival of humanity. Standing before him now was only a man. And Levi felt something along the lines of fear, pain and _lust_ unlike he had ever felt before. Eren, with the light of the candle behind him, did not look human, and Levi wanted to run away and he wanted to be devoured whole.

Eren watched him as though he could read his mind and brought his hands to the button of his own trousers, then opening the flyer slowly. Levi tried his best to not drop his eyes to Eren’s hands. Eren paused, never breaking the eye contact, and let Levi’s chest rise and fall in silence, breath shallowing with anticipation. He, then, bent over him in a quick motion, and reached down to grab his hair. Levi hissed, squeezing his eyes closed as Eren pulled him up by the hair to his knees. When he opened his eyes, he was facing a huge bulge, covered by a thin layer of underwear, and he felt himself salivating.

“This is what you want, isn’t it?” said Eren, his voice was a sadistic deep growl. “To be fucked in your stern little mouth until you can’t breathe?”

“You’re shit at dirty talk,” said Levi, pushing his head back against Eren’s grip slightly, so that his lips wouldn’t brush against the bulge.

Eren let out a short, amused laugh. “Is that so?” He moved his left leg, and brought his boot-clad foot between his legs. “I wonder what’s making you so hard, then?”

Levi gasped loudly as Eren jerked up his foot, cold top of his leather boot pressing up against his cock. Levi’s hips jolted, and Eren’s boot rubbed past his balls, sliding between his ass cheeks. The coarse boot laces scratched his balls and Levi felt light-headed and closed his eyes. Despite the horrid thought of all of the germs that were being rubbed on him, Levi’s body rutted against the boot.

Eren let out another low laugh. “What would your soldiers say if they saw you like this?” He pressed up a bit harder and Levi gasped again. “Or maybe they _have_ seen you like this. Do you let them do this to you? Do you let them fuck you before you throw them in front of a Titan?”

Levi let out a whimper, and he didn’t know if it was because of the uncomfortable laces against his throbbing cock, or because of the painful lump in his throat. Eren abruptly drew his foot back, and the cold air that replaced it opened Levi’s eyes just in time to see Eren pull out his cock with his free hand.

Eren pressed the wet tip against the corner of Levi’s mouth, dragging it over to the middle of his lips. The heat and smell of it made Levi dizzy, and he let Eren rub himself against his closed mouth.

“Don’t bite,” Eren hissed as he pulled Levi’s head into position, and pressed harder against his lips.

Levi thought that the warning was unnecessary. He opened his lips, sliding his tongue along Eren’s length. Eren gasped and glided into his mouth, thick weight rubbing on Levi’s tongue. Levi lifted his eyes as he was overcome with the desire to see Eren’s face when he fucked his mouth. _Shit_ , he really was getting sentimental over this. What he saw was everything he wanted to see: Half-lidded, Eren’s eyes were dark as he looked down at him; his cheeks were tinted red; his lips were parted, and his shallow lascivious breath was visible in the cold room.

Eren, too, probably saw something that he liked, because his grip tightened in Levi’s hair, and he pushed his cock down to the back of Levi’s throat. Levi, entirely unprepared for the sudden move, gagged, and raised his hands instinctively to grab Eren’s thighs, trying to push himself back. Eren did not allow it, and lifted his other hand to Levi’s head to keep him steady with both. Levi choked hard, a nasty wet sound, and felt his own cock twitch with a sudden spike of arousal. He struggled, feeling his eyes water as Eren’s cock blocked his airway.

Right when Levi began to think he was going to pass out, Eren retreated. His cock, dripping wet, glided out of Levi’s mouth slowly, and Levi drew in a loud, frantic breath. He was still gripping Eren’s thighs as he heaved, his chin wet with saliva. He had barely caught his breath when Eren pressed to his lips again, and Levi did not resist. He kept his mouth open, straining his jaw, flattened his tongue and let Eren push into his mouth with a demanding rhythm, cock bumping deeper against the back of his throat with every thrust.

Eren let out a heavy groan, and his left hand released Levi’s hair, sliding down to touch the curve of his ear with uncharacteristic tenderness. Levi trembled, choked again, and swallowed. Eren gasped at the vibration, and his hips jumped forward. Levi’s jaw was hurting, and he could think of nothing else but the sensation of Eren’s cock pushing in deep to force his throat open around it. Tears pricked at the corner of his eyes as he struggled to keep his mouth wide open, letting Eren fuck it as he pleased. Eren felt heavy and big on his tongue, and Levi’s whole face was burning, his own cock throbbing with every thrust down his throat. He wanted Eren to keep going until the muscles of his mouth gave out, until his throat was so raw that he wouldn’t be able to talk for days. He wanted to come with Eren’s cock in his mouth, and wanted Eren to come down his throat as he gagged. His grip on Eren’s thighs tightened, nails pressing into the fabric of his trousers. Eren was right: Levi _was_ sick. He would laugh at how vile his own state was if there wasn’t a cock fucking his throat open.

Eren pulled back abruptly and Levi began to cough immediately, breathing in fast despite the cold air burning his nostrils and his raw throat. For a moment, he expected Eren to come over his face, but Eren did not come. He only let go of his hair and Levi's neck dropped on his chest. He saw his own swollen cock, and a few drops of white, sticky liquid on the floor between his knees. He did laugh, then: it was pathetic, _disgusting_ , and he wanted more.

Levi’s entire face felt wet with tears and saliva, and he expected Eren to say something stupid and degrading, but he didn’t. Eren only moved his hand and brought it to Levi’s neck, thumb brushing gently below his jaw. Levi did not hesitate to slap his hand away. He shot him a dirty look, his chest heaving.

“Don’t,” Levi ground out the words through his teeth.

Eren’s hand hovered in the air for a moment, and Levi thought he saw, for a small fraction of a second, a glimpse of something like pain in Eren’s beautiful green eyes. But the dark look returned to Eren’s face quickly enough and he reached down, grabbed Levi’s arm and flipped him over with a harsh push. Levi, landed on his palms and knees, facing the door on the other side of which the rest of the headquarter was sleeping.

Eren placed his palms on Levi’s cold buttocks. The touch was warm and Levi struggled against the urge to press back to Eren’s hands as they ran over his ass and his hips, all soft fingers and rough touch on his bruises and scars. Levi’s eyes suddenly opened wide as he felt a warm finger prodding at his entrance, despite the fact that he expected it all along.

“Got any oil?” Eren asked, sounding rather disinterested.

Levi managed to tut, teeth grinding. “The fuck kind of place do you think this is? A brothel?”

“It can’t be helped, then,” Eren replied.

And before Levi could turn his head and ask what the fuck he was talking about, Eren’s hand pulled his ass cheeks apart, and he heard — _felt_ — Eren spit on his hole. Levi jumped, almost prepared to turn and have Eren’s teeth in a pile on the floor, but Eren’s nails dug into his flesh as a warning, and Levi, clenching his jaw, kept himself in place.

“ _You filthy dog,_ ” Levi snarled.

Eren breathed out a laugh. “But you like it filthy, don’t you? Look, you’re leaking on the floor,” said Eren, and his words sounded vulgar in Levi’s ears, making his cock twitch. “Is it a newly acquired taste? Are you going to lick the floor clean after this?”

“Keep talking and I’m going to make you regret walking into this room tonight.”

“No, Levi,” Eren said, “All you’re going to do tonight is spread for my cock like a whore.”

Levi did not have a chance to shiver at these words. Two fingers drove into his entrance without warning and Levi cried out before he could stop himself. It was painful and felt dry, and Levi’s arms began to tremble under his own weight.

It had been a long time since Levi had anything stuffed inside him. In the past three years, he had lived on a strict routine of training and killing, nonstop, without a single spare minute to step back and breathe. After Eren’s sudden disappearance, Levi had spent days and days, months, goddamn _years_ blaming himself for making the wrong decisions. The ceaseless, repressed grief had not left him much time for fucking, and the few people he’d slept with since were now dead — _Every. Single. One._

He lowered his upper body on his forearms, curling his hands into tight fists against the floor. _Shit._ The stretch was more painful than he had anticipated and he began to slightly panic as he felt completely unable to relax his muscles. _Shit._ It had been a long time, and Levi, all of a sudden, realised that he was unprepared, and not only physically.

Eren must have had noticed, because he did not push further than the first knuckle. Eren bowed over him and Levi felt the younger man’s other hand slide into the back of his shirt, running up and down his spine, warm palm resting on the side of his ribs as though trying to soothe him. It worked, and Levi drew in a long breath, muscles relaxing slowly until he began to push back, his body begging for more. And Eren gave him more: a slow, long push until his fingers were buried inside him. Levi could feel his own eyelashes become wet again. He, unintentionally, held every breath for a moment before exhaling, making his respiration sound like a quiet, broken machine.

Eren began to move his fingers, slowly, at first: long back and forths under which Levi writhed, his shoulders tense as stone. And then, Eren curled his fingers, stroking up deep inside him at the right place. _So he does remember_ , Levi thought as a sparkle of pleasure flashed behind his lids, and when Eren did it again, a heavy, shameless groan left him. Eren established a rhythm, every push inside accompanied by a curl right where Levi reacted the most. He scissored his fingers, stretching his hole, and Levi’s body began to cooperate eventually, until he no longer felt pain but rather a burning warmth that he did not mind.

Eren, then, pulled out his fingers abruptly and Levi gasped as he felt the nudge of his cock, instead. His cock rubbed across the rim, spreading precome on his hole. Levi trembled at the feeling of Eren’s thick girth, remembered how it had stretched his mouth, and dropped his head, forehead touching the floor between his forearms. Eren, then, pressed in, and Levi’s reality flipped. His mouth was open and damp against the floor, hardwood wet below his eyes, too.

Eren stopped moving, probably to give Levi some time to adjust which made irritation boil within the pain Levi was feeling. He didn’t want time to adjust. He wanted Eren to rip him apart piece by piece; he wanted him to scratch his skin as he fucked him; he wanted Eren to _hurt_ him. He ground his teeth, and mustered up the last bits of control he had over his body to move his tongue.

“Did you fall asleep, you worthless piece of—”

Levi never finished his sentence, because a cry of pain and pleasure intertwined escaped him as Eren slammed into him to the hilt with a loud grunt. It knocked the breath out of him, and Levi’s shoulders gave out and dropped to the floor, his fists uncurling to claw at the hard floor. The burning pain that spread in his lower back was bad enough that he had to remind himself that he was a soldier. But there was something worse than the pain that was simmering inside him: a strong surge of arousal that was making him clench his stomach. It was deranged that the cock that was tearing him in half was also making him so hard that he feared he would come, untouched, with the second thrust.

Eren did not stop and dragged back, and Levi’s hole felt as though it was on fire. He wouldn’t be surprised if he was bleeding, but his senses were too overwhelmed to worry about that now. Eren sank back in, a single unforgiving thrust, and Levi wailed. And then, it was Eren’s hand that reached under him, grabbing his stone-hard cock and squeezing it. Levi pressed his face to the floor which was slippery under his cheek, and began to cry as Eren's hips drove into him mercilessly. It was not the riving pain, nor the pleasure of Eren’s fingers tight around his cock; it was something that was clawing at his heart, something that had broken deep inside him, and Levi wanted to be fucked senseless until there was nothing left of him to gather and put back together.

Eren began to stroke him, his fingers too rough, dragging the skin of Levi’s cock up and down in quick motions. It took less than a minute of this until Levi was coming, his body shaking violently, covering Eren’s hand and the floor below him with thick, white, hot fluid. His body shook so hard that it felt like he was having the worst feverish chills of his life, and Eren’s next thrust threw him off balance, hurling his body forward so that he collapsed on his stomach, lying flat against the floor with his knees unbent and his elbows under his ribs. Eren did not give him even a single moment to recover, and kept thrusting into his spasming hole.

Levi felt his own consciousness become a playful thing, his senses leaving him completely for short moments before rushing back in with the burn of Eren’s cock inside him. He wasn’t entirely sure what was happening around him anymore, except that Eren’s hands were bruising his hips, pinning his waist down as every thrust slammed him forward slightly against the floor.

“More,” Levi was barely aware that he was yelling with his cracked voice, “ _More—_ ”

“Shh,” Eren’s hand clasped in front of his mouth, his weight on top of Levi. Eren's lips were boiling hot against Levi’s ear. “You don’t want to wake up the new recruits, do you?”

Levi only knew that he was sobbing against Eren’s hand, his body boneless, limp, sticky and wet. Eren drove into him so hard that Levi wondered if his cock was rearranging his organs inside of him. His noises were muffled in Eren’s palm which was probably a good thing because he really did not want his 15-year-old recruits to be rushing to his room at the moment, wondering why their captain was wailing in the middle of the night.

Eren’s face was pressed to his damp neck, muffling his grunts and moans against Levi’s skin. He moved his open mouth up Levi’s neck, and sank his teeth into his earlobe, biting down hard enough that Levi was sure he had drawn blood. Eren’s wild, brutal thrusts began to fall out of rhythm, becoming shorter and faster. His hips were slamming loudly against Levi's back and Levi knew that alone was going to bruise his ass. It wasn't long after that Eren let out a loud, broken groan against Levi’s neck, thrusting so hard that Levi’s hip bones creaked against the floor, and Eren spilled, hot and wild, inside him, his hand shaking against Levi’s mouth. Levi could have died and come back to life and he wouldn't have known because his body was entirely numb, paralysed, and when Eren’s hand drew away from his mouth, he was no longer screaming.

Silence suffocated the air. Eren lied there, on top of him for a bit longer, catching his breath, before slowly pushing himself up and pulling out of Levi. Levi felt hot, thick fluid spill out of him as Eren’s cock withdrew. He would have squirmed in disgust, but he did not possess the energy to squirm _or_ feel disgusted. Opening his lids, too, seemed like an incredibly difficult task. Through blurry eyes, he saw Eren get to his feet, wobbling a little, and pull up his trousers. He couldn’t lift his neck to glance at Eren’s face, but he saw his boots taking a step back from him, and then another, as though he was suddenly frightened. Levi blinked, and when he opened his eyes again, he saw Eren in the corner of the room, beside the bed, far from him. Eren slumped down to the floor and drew his knees up to his chest, and Levi did not look anymore.

He didn’t know how long he lied there on the floor, but it was long enough for him to feel his limbs again, and begin to feel cold. He moved his hands, and felt his knuckles were sore from clawing so hard at the floor. He drew in a long breath and pushed himself up on his forearms, anchoring his elbows under his shoulders. Every single part of his body was in pain, and as reality began to regain its solid form, Levi realised that he had practical matters to worry about. He raised one hand, took it behind his back, and touched between his wet thighs. He brought the sticky fingers back to see if there was any blood. There wasn’t; which felt relieving because he was far too tired to deal with that at the moment. Plus, it would be rather awkward to have to wake someone up and ask them to stitch up his asshole.

He hissed in pain as he rose to his knees, and had to pause for a few seconds until his legs were not shaking uncontrollably anymore. He sat on his heels, and wiped his wet face with his sleeve, turning his neck to find his trousers thrown messily to his right. He stretched his arm and yanked them towards himself, taking out a clean handkerchief from the pocket and wiping between his thighs and around his groin. He then got to his feet, stifling a groan as pain hit his lower back, and with some difficulty slipped into his trousers. He placed his hands on the back of his hips and drew in a shaky breath, trying to unclench his jaw.

When the back pain was more bearable, he turned around towards Eren. He was sitting on the floor with his back against the bed, arms wrapped around his knees, and his face hidden in his arms. Levi only watched him for a moment, before moving in his direction slowly, limping, and tried to avoid putting his bare feet in the wet spots on the floor. Eren’s shoulders were shaking, but he was completely silent, and Levi knew that he was crying. Eren looked up when he was a single step away, and Levi’s heart suddenly felt tight. Eren’s cheeks were wet with tears, his slightly open lips quivering. Levi expected the tears. What he didn’t expect was the wide green eyes looking up at him. Eren’s eyes all of a sudden looked entirely different than what Levi had seen in the past hour. Suddenly, he looked awfully young and Levi remembered that he _was_ young. A man— _What man_ — This was a 20-year-old kid who had lost everything and gained nothing but pain and agony: not unlike Levi himself at 20. And it broke his heart — if there was a heart left to break — to see those eyes looking up at him like this, somehow still alive and bright and hurt. But Levi liked it better this way: he’d rather Eren feel hurt than feel nothing.

“I missed you, Levi,” Eren said quietly, brows knitting together, “Every fucking day, I— And now—”

He couldn’t continue as a silent sob overcame him, and Eren pressed a palm against his face, covering his eyes. Levi watched him shake and make no sound except for broken inhales as he sobbed. Levi, then, raised his hand, and brought it to Eren’s head, sliding his fingers into his hair and slowly brushing it back away from his face. Despite the sweat and dirt, his hair was as soft as Levi remembered, and he felt the same tenderness he had felt for the kid three years ago.

“Come on,” Levi said quietly, unable to exactly approximate his usual flat tone, “I’ll draw you a bath.”

He didn’t wait for a response, and despite not wanting to, withdrew his hand from Eren’s hair and turned. He moved towards the small bathroom located on the corner of his room, trying his best not to limp too badly. He felt physically exerted, and thought of having to lead training sessions tomorrow morning. But that wasn’t until tomorrow morning. Right now, it was his aching body, and his desire to hold Eren in his arms. The rest could wait until sunrise.

He had lost Eren once. Levi paused, placed a hand on the door frame and looked over his shoulder. Eren’s face was still hidden behind his hand, and Levi wondered how long it was going to be until he lost him again. Or until Levi himself ventured outside the walls and never came back. But for now, it didn’t matter: death, too, could wait until sunrise.


End file.
